When is it time to break up with a toxic co-worker?

May 23, 2012

Sometimes we can become so enmeshed in our working life that we lose perspective and miss the fact that a person we work with is toxic to our personal and business well being. Here are some signs that it is time to break up with your toxic co-worker:

• They perpetually drag you down and make you feel lousy about your work
• They persistently don’t do what they tell you they are going to
• They hold on to the power within your relationship and refuse to allow you to be in control
• Even after confronting them on your issues with them, they still exhibit the same behaviors

Sound familiar anyone?

Well, my friend, it is time to break up with this toxic co-worker. They are killing your mojo and you need not waste anymore time getting sucked into their negative vortex.
If you are an entrepreneur the solution is a bit easier than if you work in a company where you may be forced to have to interact with this person. And of course, each situation like this is highly contextually driven and there is no one answer fits all kind of a response.

For my entrepreneurs: I suggest one of two avenues, depending on how critical they are to your business relationships or future. The easy first route is to simply distance yourself from them and move towards colleagues and peers who bring you satisfaction and positivity when working together. However, if the toxic relationship is one that is very essential to your business and that you really can’t afford to lose right now, here is what I would suggest: Setting up one final meeting, eyeball to eyeball where you state your frustrations in the relationship and let them know that you cannot continue to work this way. Ask them what needs to happen for you to be able to shift towards a more productive and positive and trusting relationship. If they don’t hold up these agreed upon new terms in the relationship, then it is time to cut your losses and move on. You simply cannot afford to work under these situations. And this person is likely undermining you behind your back anyways to clients and colleagues. Run quickly!

For my corporate folks: It’s time to hold your toxic co-worker accountable and this is going to involve a lot of courage and initiative on your end. First, if you are comfortable, I would suggest the same two suggestions above. However, if they both flop and you are still left in the same bind, it is time to escalate this situation to your managers. It would be wise to first have a conversation with your boss alone and them know the objective and specific facts about the person’s toxic ways and how that behavior is impacting the overall business. The third most critical point to be able to make in this conversation is what your suggestions are for remedying the situation. From here, it should be up to your boss how they want to handle this situation. Ideally he will confront the toxic co-worker and enforce clear repercussions if the person does not improve their behavior. However, you should be prepared for the toxic co-worker to potentially present a list of complaints that they might have about you. The most important key is to get some resolution in the situation and shift you both out of the toxic bind that is occurring today.

Good luck and let me know how things go!


How To Manage Your Boss

March 30, 2012

The largest determinant of whether someone stays or leaves their job is the quality of the relationship with their boss.  This relationship can service as a huge source of inspiration and support or for some people or it can present a very frustrating and difficult to understand set of dynamics.  Here are 4 tips on how you can improve your relationship with your boss to the point that you are able to manage them as well:

1)      Re-Establish Trust

 All relationships must be built on a solid foundation of trust.  If there has been an incident in the past that has caused you to now mistrust your boss, you will want to start here in order to begin again, if you will.  The best way to do this is based on a cognitive tool called the ‘Johari Window’ which  purports that the best way to build trust is by sharing something about yourself that the other person does not know and then to seek their feedback about your relationship.  The more that you practice this together and open up yourself to the other person, the more they will begin to trust your intentions and motivations and vice versa.  Practice explaining your ‘line of thinking’ with your boss and ask questions of them so that you will understand where they are coming from and why.  Trust will grow exponentially as the two of you seek to understand one another more fully.


2)      Demonstrate Your Competence

 The two things that people most often want from their boss are more freedom and an opportunity to have a say in matters that impact their work life.  These two factors will likely increase when you have proven to your boss that you are competent and have earned these privileges. In order to demonstrate your competence, look for opportunities to display your expertise and your strengths. Some examples of this are: taking on a leadership role with a particular committee that overlaps with an area that you are passionate about, asking for an opportunity to try on a sales role for your company, offer a speaking engagement for your colleagues in which you can expose your expertise within a particular subject matter.  All of these scenarios will allow your boss to see you outside of your typical role and be exposed to a side of you that they may know nothing about. In addition, all of these scenarios require a great deal of courage and initiative-both of which are always greatly appreciated by management.

3)      Uncover their Values

 It is critical that you figure out what is most important to you boss if you want to learn how to better manage them.  Oftentimes folks can present to their boss what they perceive must be most important to them, but notice that many of their meetings end up taking a very different direction than what they were expecting.  Work towards asking your boss, point blank, what are the most important factors or measurements for them when it comes to the performance of their team/department, etc? If you are not comfortable asking them, this could serve as a great discussion to have with your colleagues.  Once you have uncovered what is most important to you boss as it relates to their responsibility of managing you—work towards beginning each of your meetings addressing that particular area first and foremost.

 4)      Use a ‘Directive’ Approach, when appropriate

 Now that you have established trust, demonstrated your competence and figured out what is most important to them—it is time to start using a ‘directive’ approach with your boss, when a situation calls for this level of intervention.  When a situation arises in which you have a legitimate solution to a pressing problem and the urgency for a resolution is high, it will serve you well to be very assertive or directive with your boss in suggesting a timely solution.  The more often that you are able to provide this needed level of support to your boss, the more personal power you will establish with them and thus giving you a larger opportunity to make your own requests and suggestions within the relationship.


How to Practice Centered Leadership

January 19, 2012

Centered Leadership is a term coined in McKinsey & Company’s Global Survey which has been interviewing female leaders around the world to identify traits that characterize them collectively.

There are 5 key capabilities of Centered Leadership when used together—are important predictors of these executives’ satisfaction with their leadership performance and their life overall:

Meaning:

Finding your strengths and putting them to work in the service of a purpose that inspires you

Positive Framing:

Adopting a more constructive way to view your world and convert even difficult situations into opportunities

Connecting:

Building a stronger sense of community and belonging

Engaging:

Pursuing opportunities disguised by risk

Energizing:

Practicing ways to sustain your energy on a long leadership journey

 Surveying Your Centered Leadership

Rate each statement accordingly: 1=Strongly Disagree, 2=Disagree, 3=Not sure/neutral, 4=Agree, 5=Strongly Agree

___ 1. I actively build communities of people who give and get support from each other.

___ 2. I proactively ask senior people for opportunities that will help me develop.

___ 3. I actively find ways to help others and ways in which they can help me.

___ 4.  I make sure I calm & prepare myself before going into situations where I may get upset or angry.

___ 5. My passion for what I do inspires others.

___ 6. I take time to reflect on what really matters most to me.

___  7. I engage in activities that draw on my natural strengths.

___ 8. Every day, I consciously do things to keep myself energized.

___ 9. I have a noticeable energizing effect on others.

___ 10. I recognize and step beyond my fears so they don’t keep me from seizing good opportunities.

___ 11. When I experience a mistake or failure, I quickly come up with a plan to recover.


Why Women Do Not Ask & How To Negotiate Better

November 18, 2011

I had the privilege of hearing Melanie Billings-Yun, author of ‘Beyond DealMaking’ speak this week on the subject of why women don’t ask.  Melanie has a Ph.D. from Harvard University in diplomatic history, an MSc from the London School of Economics, and a B.S. with high honors from Portland State University. She is the author of Decision Against War(Columbia University Press, 1988), as well as numerous articles on negotiation, mediation and dispute resolution. She regularly speaks to professional associations and business conferences around the world about negotiation and relationship management. You can learn more about her here:

Beyond Deal Making

Melanie believes that women don’t ask for 5 common reasons:

1. Fear of conflict

2. Communication differences

3. Concern about impact on relationships

4. Fewer mentors, networks

5. Social aversion to ‘aggressive women’
In order to help her female clients overcome these obstacles so that we ask more often, thus engaging in profitable relationship building, she suggests:

1) Focusing on the interests of all parties

2) Seek solutions not victory

3) Decide issues on fairness

4) Use positive language instead of, ‘why not’ say, ‘how can we make this work?”

5) Consider negotiation as a pull and not a push (like sales)

6) Combine assertiveness with friendliness (smile when you ask for things)

7) Demand valid justifications

8) Have a reason for everything you ask for

9) Ask the negotiating party what they are looking for

10) Consider the three points of fairness: equity, 2 party dialogue and did you keep the spirit of the argument?

What do you think? Does this resonate with your experience in negotiating?


My E-Book Outline (very rough draft)

September 29, 2011

Becoming Your Own Leading Lady:  Reflections on Personal Leadership

By Katie C. Kelley


This book is for the woman who yearns to be her own leading lady.  Some leading ladies are already living life on their own terms and are inspired by a belief that only they can truly leave behind their own unique legacy.  This type of lady can feel responsible to pay forward all of the blessings that have been bestowed upon her through her relationships and experiences and believe that there is no one else that embodies her particular vision.  This responsibility, while awesome in its midst can also become very overwhelming over time, as women devote so much of their energies as caretakers and tactically focused in their day-to-day life.  There are also some leading ladies who have yet to pinpoint their vision and intentions for their life, and will appreciate the chance to use this book as a way to get in touch with these foundational steps in building toward their inspired life.

The genesis of this book evolved through my experience working as a leadership coach with women in business. I created the assessment based on themes that I continually noted that were both serving to move these women along in their journey as well as stagnate and dilute their potential.  I will add that selfishly, I also have been personally motivated to finally put this book into motion for my own well being. I juggle the hats of a highly motivated professional with big dreams, mother to two very young daughters, and wife to name a few and am no further along in the process of striking the proverbial balance than anyone else.  My dear friend and business partner, Cindy explains to me that rather than ever finding a balance in it all, to think of life as walking along a tightrope and working to make sure I don’t lean over too far too one side so that I fall into just one part of my life.

This book is the first in a series of three that will span my business modules: Personal Leadership, Interpersonal Effectiveness and Business Leadership.  This first ‘Personal Leadership’ book will cover the core foundation from which our personal initiatives and global outlook are established.  Look upon it as a journey to revisit parts of yourself that you may be taking for granted or perhaps parts of you that are so ingrained that you forgot that are actually malleable and can be ‘tuned’ up.  Our personal foundation encompasses the dynamics of our earliest relationships, our cultural practices and the orientation we have towards the world and ourselves.  The beautiful aspect of life is that we never stop growing and that there will always be an opportunity to begin again, to be re-birthed as well as a chance to re-affirm who we are to ourselves and want we want from this life and what we want to put forth into it.

Let’s begin…

 Part One:  Take Your Own “Leading Lady Personal Leadership Assessment”

Part Two: The Four Cornerstones of Your Personal Foundation

1) ENDURING VISION + DRIVE + INSPIRATION=DREAMS IN MOTION

Narrative:  We will begin by exploring the bedrock from which your value system and your relationships were born.  We will take an inventory to determine if what matter to you the most is showing up in your life.  We will work towards designing a plan so that your intentions are being actively sought after, rather than merely yearned for.  We’ll explore the power of setting one’s aspirations far beyond reach, all the while keeping your eyes on your prize, your ultimate intention.  If you are not feeling so inspired, this should get your fires burning!

Section One Takeaway:

  • Identity of your  values and talents and where they are showing up in your life
  • An opportunity to ponder your most desired life, at home and work
  • An understanding of the power of setting stretch goals
  • A chance to re-engage with your divine inspiration

2) SELF-WORTH + ROLE DISOBEDIENCE + POSITIVITY=SUCCESS ROCKET FUEL

Narrative:  We will journey into your single most important relationship, that with yourself. The regard with which you view yourself has the greatest impact on the way that you then look out onto the world and others and in turn their reaction to us.  A review of the data on positivity will highlight the value of self-fulfilling prophesies and clarify the significance of maintaining a steadfast sunny disposition as a success tactic.  We’ll exercise the power of self-expression in an effort to explore the ways that you might be limiting yourself.  Finally, we will journey from our most internal core to the external self to investigate how our image impacts our outside world and whether that is aligned with our intentions.

 

Section Two Takeaways:

  • Insights around how your self perception impacts the way you view the world
  • Awareness around your resilience and how you navigate challenges
  • A gage on your positivity and how that effects your initiative taking
  • Appreciation of the value of expressing yourself
  • Clarity around how rules and roles are influencing your modus operandi
  • Consideration of the impact that your presentation has on the world

3)  FLEXIBILITY + FOCUS + STRENGTH BASED LIVING= 1 ON TASK & BLISSED OUT CHICK

Narrative:  This third section delves into the evolution of how our values and self-image impact our lifestyle and quality of self-care.  This is a critical piece for leading ladies who wear many hats and need to ‘show up’ in various capacities throughout the day, often giving much more than receiving.  Timing is everything so we will investigate how cued in you are to optimize windows of opportunity versus saying ‘yes’ to every invitation.  These particular reflections can never be overstated for leading ladies, as preservation is everything.  Our ultimate intention is sustainability.

Section Three Takeaways:

  • Inventory of your overall self-care regimen
  • Recognition of your priorities and whether you are honoring those with time and space
  • Awakening to your flexibility and alertness to action
  • A self-prescribed barometer test to determine stress levels

4) PEERS + EXPERTS + MENTORS= MANDATORY DREAM TEAM

Narrative:  Not only is it lonely at the top, it’s frankly not as fun. We all need our own villages to support us, hold us accountable and cheer us on when the going gets rocky.  We will explore your current network and outline the various roles that need to be filled so that you are surrounded with an army of followers, leaders and comrades.

Section 4 Takeaways:

  • Inventory of current support network
  • Tips for identifying and contracting peers, experts and mentors
  • Plan for developing a personal advisory board

My Executive Development Journey with “A Seat at the Table”

June 17, 2011

I completed an 8 month women’s executive development program by The Link for Women’s Cindy Tortorici called “A Seat at the Table” yesterday along with eight, now life-long friends.  Throughout this odyssey, I developed my overall career vision, cultivated my influential voice and formalized my community of peers, experts and mentors. In other words, I found ‘me’ and my well needed tribe and baby, do I have plans!  As my Dad simply stated, “Katie, you have never been short of dreams” ;)

The premise of this particular program is that as women aspire from middle management positions to senior leadership roles, there is a tendency to remain focused on being tactical as this is what resulted in us achieving our merits to date. However, the onus now as leaders is to think with vision, develop strategy and to effectively delegate the tactical to those who now report to us.

Here are some of the most valuable lessons I learned along this journey:

Build in 30 minutes of time every day to simply think and plan and then act strategically about your business (phone/email off-solo activity) (See Doug Mendenhall of Spark!)

Before you can lead others, you must first understand how to lead yourself and that means knowing what your personal success patterns (see Susan Clark of Heartspark) are and what your ‘why, how and what’ are (see Simon Sinek)

Take time out to evaluate how ‘balanced’ your current life is with regards to your career, $, health, your partner, your family, your friends, your personal time. Then, design a more ideal balance chart that you want to strive towards over the next year.

If you are not happy with what you are doing and/or who you are doing it with, there is no one else who is responsible for changing those two factors besides yourself. Take responsibility for your own happiness and success.

Don’t make assumptions about your future until you have truly turned over every stone and knocked on every door. Success awaits only those hungry enough to seek it out.

Understand what people come to you for and what drives you throughout all your relationships and journeys.  Let that answer inform your path towards even greater success.

Figure out who you need on your Advisory Board for strategic support, information resources and your particular project team. The higher you get, the more support you need to achieve the dream.

Understand what your body and soul are telling you about your journey and then better align yourself so that you are getting the holistic support you need.

Leverage your unique strengths as an influencer.

Understand what makes you compelling and what then supports evidence for that fact.

Be a risk taker versus a risk talker.

What else would you add to this list?


my favorite *Most Influential People* (according to TIME Magazine)

April 26, 2011

Time Magazine has graced their latest May double edition with a synopsis of the world’s most current influential people.  Knowing how much my clients (and I) are always in need of daily inspiration, I thought I would share with you those who stand out the most for me in the hopes that they do the same for you:

“Economist: Esther Duflo“: (As founder of the MIT Poverty Action Lab, she has broken out of the ivory tower to gather real data and see what really works in alleviating poverty. She found that the highly acclaimed micro financing movement is not all it cracked up to be)

School Reformer:Geoffrey Canada” (Watch the documentary ‘Waiting for Superman’ to learn about Canada’s groundbreaking work with the Harlem Children’s Zone)

Law Enforcer: Maria Bashir”:(Afghanistan’s only female prosecutor general defies the odds and the death threats to battle corruption, crime and domestic abuse. On paper her country has robust laws protecting the rights of their women, however in reality they are ignored. Ms. Bashir is committed to closing this gap)

“Television Pioneer: Oprah Winfrey’: (Under Oprah, the OWN Channel is primed to combat the tabloid programming we’ve become accustomed to with smart, enlightened, informative content)

“Air Force Commander: Major General Margaret Woodward”: (Air Force Mjr General Woodward recently ran the opening 11 days of the war against Libya (a groundbreaking mission for a female commander)

Secretary of State: Hilllary Clinton“: (Ms. Clinton deployed her star power in direct contacts with the public overseas, speaking clearly about human rights and freedom of expression on the Internet)

Spokesman For A Revolution: Wael Ghonim” (This Google executive, instigated the call for a peaceful revolution in his native Egypt through social media channels)

“Newark’s Mayor: Cory Booker” (Booker is dedicated to reforming the schools in Newark, NJ and is living in a tiny inner city flat all the while to prove that he is a servant leader).

The First Lady: Michelle Obama”: (Dubbing herself ‘First Mom”, First Lady Obama is primarily focused on combating childhood obesity and improving the health of America’s Kids through her ‘Let’s Move’ exercise program and initiative to improve the quality of food served in schools.)

“Brazil’s President:Dilma Rouseff“: (President Rouseff has stood up to the former military dictatorship of Brazil and is dedicated to building a democratic alternative for development, social equality and women’s rights.)

“Advocate: Cecile Richards“: (Daughter of Ann Richards, Cecile Richards is leading the charge against a comprehensive and radical attack on women’s health and reproductive freedom as the Director of Planned Parenthood)

“Champion of Students: Michelle Rhee”: (Ms. Rhee is singlehandedly going up against the teacher’s union with her Students First advocacy group in the name of improving the lot of the nation’s students. You have my vote Ms. Rhee).

Check out the rest of “The Time 100″ profiles and let me know who sticks out the most for you and why. Thank you!


10 Tips To Motivate Your Employees

April 13, 2011

\”Let\’s Get Ready to Rumble\”

Whether you are a seasoned corporate manager, director or a fresh entrepreneur, one of the largest managerial challenges is how to continually motivate your employees.  Of course, you have outlined their responsibilities, clarified and tracked how their performance will be measured, provided rewards for great behavior and clarified the consequences for poor performance.  But what about the day to day ‘corralling’?

Here are tips for motivating your employees from some of my favorite experts, Michael Lombardo and Robert Eichinger, authors of ‘For Your Improvement’:

1)      Follow the basic rules of INSPIRING OTHERS: Take an interest in your employees beyond their role with your company. Thank them. Provide autonomy in how they do their work. Surprise them with challenging assignments. Adopt a learning attitude towards mistakes. Celebrate successes.

2)     KNOW & PLAY THE MOTIVATION ODDS:  According to research by Rewick and Lawler, the top motivators at work are 1-Job Challenge; 2- Accomplishing something worthwhile; 3-Learning new things; 4-Personal Development; 5- Autonomy (Incidentally ‘Pay’ is #12).  Provide challenges, paint pictures of why this is worthwhile, set up chances to learn and grow.

3)     USE GOALS TO MOTIVATE:  People try hardest when they have somewhere between ½ and a 2/3  chance of success and some control over how they go about it. People are even more motivated when they participate in setting the goals. So, set just out of reach challenges and tasks that will be ‘first time’ accomplishments for your staff.

4)     To UNDERSTAND WHAT DRIVES YOUR PARTICULAR EMPLOYEES, pay attention to: What do they do first? What do they emphasize in their speech? What do they display emotion around? What values play out for them? Figuring out these drivers to inform ways that you can most effectively appeal to them.

5)     DIAL DOWN YOUR JUDGEMENT.  If your employees feel judged by you they are only going to further ‘check out’ from engagement with you. You don’t have to agree with them, you just have to understand why they are not motivated.

6)     SPEAK THEIR LANGUAGE. This way you will show respect for their way of thinking and learn more about what motivates them.

7)     BRING THEM INTO YOUR WORLD. Help them understand your challenges, how you think and why, questions you ask, factors you are interested in. This way they will know how to deal with you more effectively.

8)     MOTIVATING IS PERSONAL. Learn three non-work items about all your employees (their hobbies, their family life, etc). Chances are there is at least one thing you have in common which can bond the relationship and allow you to individualize how you motivate.

9)     TURN A NEGAVITVE INTO A MOTIVATOR.  If a person is touchy about something, they may respond to targeted held. If the person responds by clamming up, they may need your help in getting into the mainstream. If they are un-motivated, look for both personal and work causes.

10)  GET THEM INVOLVED DEEPLY IN THE WORK THEY ARE DOING. Delegate and empower as much as you can. Involve them in their goal setting and determining the work process to get there. Solicit their opinions about decisions you need to make for your business. Have them appraise the work of your unit/department/business. Share the successes. Debrief failures together. Use their full skill set.

What else works for you when motivating your employees?


How to Become Your Own Leading Lady

November 12, 2010

I was privileged to moderate a panel with three leading business women earlier this week, entitled ‘Ladies Who Lead’ at the Seattle Ladies Who Launch Global Conference. These women were Sunny Kobe Cook, Founder of Sleep Country, USA (the first mattress chain); Cathi Hatch, Founder and CEO of Zino Society and Cindy Tortorici, Founder and CEO of The Link For Women.

The three spheres of influence that result in becoming a Leading Lady (or man of course) are: formulating your vision, cultivating your influential voice, and developing your own community of peers, experts and mentors.

I designed this panel with the assistance of my own mentor, Cindy Tortorici.  We both provide coaching services to aspiring entrepreneurs and executive women and these three areas represent the consistent learning needs of our clients.  Oftentimes, aspiring leaders are bombarded with a focus on their technical skills and the ‘here and now’ of their job, and are not given the opportunity to take a step back from their operations to consider long term growth strategies and personal leadership development.

Here are some tips for doing so:

1) When working on formulating your vision it is critical that you are able to state what your vision  is in one sentence and without any industry jargon or vocabulary that is not well known (think K.I.S.S.). Think BIG—perhaps the sky may not be your limit.  Take risks—and dare yourself to take yourself out your industry box.  Be a FUTURIST-make sure you survey future trends for your industry so to be sure your area thought leader.

2) When cultivating your influential voice you are going to need to uncover a place where you can receive objective feedback on how you are received as a speaker and how effective and compelling you are at delivering ideas.  Toastmasters is the best place for this kind of practice. Join a chapter today if you have not already done so—it is absolutely priceless. Then, seek out as many opportunities where you can address audiences as this is the only way that you will continue to hone your speaking skills.  If you cannot passionately and persuasively deliver your vision to you colleagues and customers—your vision may never come to fruition.

3)  It is imperative that you develop your own community of peers, experts and mentors. Often times, professionals think that by just fraternizing with like minded colleagues they are receiving all the support and resource sharing that they need. This is not true-we all need our own villages. We need to seek out experts who enlighten us to their areas of overlapping expertise to challenge our thinking and refresh and update our outlooks. Finally, we all need a mentor, someone who has accomplished what you yourself are also setting out to do.  The speakers noted that there were many men and women whom they had looked to as mentors but that relationship had never been explicitly defined with the word ‘mentor’.  This is a critical lesson, as many people feel sheepish about asking their role model to take on that role.   I encourage you to not feel as though you cannot ask as long as you are conscientious of their limited time and energy that they can devote to your development.  Once you have identified these people in your life, you will have the full spectrum of community that you need to help in hoisting you towards your vision.

What else do you need to becoming your own Leading Lady or Man?


How to Become an Everyday Leader

September 13, 2010

COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY-In our era of information overload, the best way to cut through all the noise is by communicating with clarity, sound logic and a unique but authentic stance.  It is critical that you are contributing your point of view as well as evidence or rationale to back up your position whether you are sitting in on a strategic planning committee of your company or on the planning committee at your child’s school.  This is where your value is derived and how people can learn more about your vision, values and substance.  Some ways that people can develop their communication skills are to take the time to get crystal clear on their fundamental value system, what their strengths and weaknesses are as they apply to their profession or leadership role and what sort of impression they give when they address others.  The best way to find out for oneself how effectively you communicate is to video tape yourself addressing an audience. When people watch themselves on tape they can find out for themselves items such as what non-verbal gestures they may be doing unconsciously or how many times they use fillers such as ‘uhmm’ . Self awareness is the best motivation for change!

WALK YOUR TALK-It is imperative that your actions are in alignment with the words that you speak and that in a nutshell, you work and live with integrity.  People are thirsting for truthful and authentic leadership—and you have an opportunity every day to answer that call by the way that you conduct yourself in your work and your personal life.  The best way to convey this to others is by being transparent.   For example you want to avoid being associated with any organizations or activities that are not in alignment with the values that you espouse when you are at your workplace.  I will give you an example of what I mean by this by telling you about a client named Michelle.  Michelle holds an executive position at a prestigious Business School and over time she had accumulated many colleagues and associates on her private Face book account.  One weekend, she had a reunion with her college friends and had one too many drinks.   Unbeknownst to her, she was photographed drinking alcohol at an undergraduate fraternity house on the campus where she worked and those pictures were uploaded to Face book by the following morning, where she was ‘tagged’, meaning identified by name and face to all of her ‘friends’.  As a result, she came very close to losing her job and had to spend a long period of time earning back the reputation she had taken years to establish.  The rise of social media has both helped and hindered the issue of transparency and it is imperative you manage what is being projected out to the public and more importantly how you are walking your talk.

CONNECT THOUGHTFULLY- There is a theory that the more expansive your network is, the more successful you will become.  The logic behind this idea is that the more people you know and relationships that you form and then the reputation that you build with those people will ultimately lead to greater recognition of who you are and the work that you are doing.  It is imperative that people establish and then cultivate strategic relationships with fore-thought and professionalism because you never have a second chance to make a first impression.  Dr. Albert Mehrabian, in his famous body language studies at UCLA, found that only 7% of the emotional meaning in a message is composed of actual words we use. About 38% is communicated through the tone of our voice and voice inflection. About 55% comes through our non-verbal communication, which includes clothing, facial expression, gesture, and posture.  In general, people surround themselves and do business with people they like—so be sure to think about who you are surrounding yourself with and how you are mutually contributing to one another’s well being and flourishment.

TAKE COURAGEOUS RISKS- Fear of change as well as “analysis paralysis” is a common bind that prevents people from taking more courageous risks.   If you want to become an even stronger and more effective leader for your business or your community, you are going to have to operate outside of your comfort zones and take some bold but brave actions.  The #1 most common examples of this that clients ask me to work with them on are how to conduct difficult conversations with people they either manage or who manage them.  Often times this dialogue occurs during performance reviews when their work is being evaluated and one’s strengths and weaknesses are up for discussion.  The easiest thing to do if you are trying to provide critical feedback to someone is to gloss over their areas for improvement and focus more on what the person is doing well so as to avoid entering sensitive areas.  The truth is is that most adults are craving further development and mentoring and would much prefer a constructive discussion about how they can begin to improve their work rather than avoiding the ‘elephant in the room’.  Look for ‘teachable moments’ throughout your day and be sure to take the time to devote the necessary time to helping those around you understand and course correct—they’ll appreciate it one day!

INSPIRE GOODNESS/MOTIVATE FOR CHANGE-Focus on contributing to the positive development and restoration of our world and our children’s future, rather than joining the status quo of merely criticizing and complaining about all that is wrong with your workplace or communities.  Help those around you better appreciate all that we have been blessed with as well as the intrinsic power that we all are capable of using for a more positive impact in our communities and businesses.  Sometimes it can be tempting to join the masses and simply complain about how organizations, laws and policies are ineffective and dysfunctional.  If you want to be an effective and authentic leader, you must be part of the ‘voice’ that advocates for sustainable and positive change whether it be a work policy or a state law.  On a day-to-day level, look for ways to make improvements in your work environment that will positively impact you and your co-workers—even if it seems small.  Simple ways to begin to inspire others are to merely give some thought to setting a great example for those around you, practice improved coping skills such as meditation or positive self-talk exercises that you can use when you are having a difficult day and give back to your community in whatever way that you can whether through sharing your professional skills with those in need or volunteer your time or monetary donations to philanthropic organizations.


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